No Mud, No Lotus

Mama Pyjama Mud Lotus

I've been going through a lot of changes recently, experiencing significant emotional shifts and dealing with many internal conflicts.  I don't feel I need to go into specifics, so will suffice to say that we all go through these periods in life.  Whether it's financial stresses, relationship breakdowns, deaths, career changes, childhood traumas, lifestyle shifts...there's one thing they all have in common. 

They all transform us.

Sometimes the transformation is subtle, with very little pain involved.  Sometimes the transformation is quick, unexpected, yet highly impactful.  Sometimes it's drawn out and painful, like a slow dripping tap upon an open wound.  These are the types of transformations that you think you're never going to survive.  That you couldn't possibly come out of in one piece. 

But, if you're sitting here reading this, you're proof that we always do.  We get through it.  No matter what life throws at us; we always manage to come out the other side.

My life feels like one big metaphor of late.  Twice in the last fortnight my septic system has overflown.  Just like the crap in my life.  Just like the emotions I've kept bottled for so very, very long. 

And then this last weekend, I find myself literally stuck in the mud (at Perth's "Miss Muddy" event).  I'm lying face down, trying to crawl through a pit of mud beneath a cargo net, being sucked down into the mud with the force of quick sand.  I like to think I'm pretty strong, and reasonably athletic (ok that's a stretch)...but at one point I felt like I couldn't possibly go on.  I felt so stuck.  I was exhausted.  The type of fatigue where you feel like every single muscle in your body has just collapsed. 

I looked over at my friend and for a second I felt like, "Dude, I'm seriously going to die in this mud pit.  I am never getting out"!  But then I saw her face (and I saw her struggle too) and it made me laugh (proof that I'm a top friend).  That laugh you do when you're like, "I've got one tiny, minuscule bit of energy left in my body and I'm going to use it to pull that weird, opened mouth silent laughing face where only a squeak or a snort is going to manage to sneak out before my neck collapses and I face plant into the mud" kinda laugh.  So I did, and she did, and with that little ray of sunshine and light I managed to pull my arm out of the mud and drag my body the remaining two metres to come out the other side. 

Mama Pyjama Mud Lotus

In that moment, beneath the fatigue and exhaustion, beneath the laughter about how hilarious we were, and how much my dress had stretched with the weight of the mud...I felt a quiet, subtle shift within me.  "I can do this". 

No matter how hard it feels, or how deep the crap runs, or how long the journey is...I can make it to the other side. I'm not going to be the same person I was at the start, but that's okay. In fact it's more than okay, because I'm going to be a freakin' LOTUS by the end of all this!  And, my dear friends going through similar times - SO ARE YOU!! xo

Posted on May 3, 2016 .